


Wingman Reception

by youbuggme



Series: Wingmen For Life [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Jaime Does Not Deserve Any Of This, M/M, Multi, Robb's An Angel, Theon's An Ass, Wingmen For Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-08 00:56:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4284522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youbuggme/pseuds/youbuggme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>He thought he was done with this idiotic, moronic, boy but no, apparently The Seven had other plans for him.</em>
</p><p>Not even five days have passed before Jaime is stuck in Theon's company again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wingman Reception

**Author's Note:**

> How sad is it that I am bro-shipping Jaime and Theon? What madness is this?

Jaime was not pleased. Although he usually was, this was different. No. He thought he was done with this _idiotic, moronic, boy_ but no, apparently The Seven had other plans for him. Dark, cruel, plans. 

It had been a blissful five days. He and Brienne spent some much needed quality time and barely left the apartment (save for work obligations). It was heaven, if Jaime ever thought there was one. He could get used to living out the rest of his days like that. But then, _he_ happened.

Jaime had received a text. Jaime never received texts. No one had his number except for Tyrion, his sister, and Brienne. Tyrion and Cersei were talkers so they preferred to call rather than text. It was easier to say their words than write them out. Brienne only ever called and it was when there was an emergency. Jaime liked that. But a text? It was so…juvenile to him. Children texted. Not adults who had business and professional lives. Then, what was Jaime supposed to expect from Theon Greyjoy.

Jaime suspected the boy got his number from Tyrion; it wasn’t that surprising if that was in fact the case. They liked to drink with each other. It was no surprised Tyrion could keep up with a partying alcoholic like Greyjoy. They were soulmates in that regard. Tyrion always liked a great underdog and Theon was the prime bitch. 

But now the kid had his number and Jaime had to figure out how to text and decipher the idiotic text lingo. It might have actually been the first time Jaime Lannister ever had to open the text message icon on his phone. 

_Yo jaime its theon. U left sum stuf here. Cum pik it up @ 6 pls. I want it gon. Thnx._

 

Jaime shamefully had to ask his niece Myrcella what the hell the text was saying. Sorry, if poor old dyslexic Jaime couldn’t read his broken English and poor spelling. Really, how does this kid have a degree in software engineering?

So there Jaime was. Standing outside the Greyjoy’s apartment at six o’clock sharp. Yes, he was a timely man and besides, Brienne had plans for the evening so he would have the apartment to himself. He loved Brienne but it was also nice to have alone time. The less time he spent at Greyjoy’s the better. That was the case in any situation. 

With a sharp knock to the apartment he had spent three torturous days at (he rather not think about his time there), the door opened wide to a Robb Stark who was throwing Jaime his award winning smile. Of course Robb Stark was living with Greyjoy again. Well, good for them.

“Mr. Lannister!” Robb smiled brightly and ushered him in. Jaime couldn’t help cringe at the name. Mr. Lannister was his father. No, Jaime would be just fine.

“Please. Jaime. Not Mr. Lannister.”

“Don’t even try.” Theon shrugged from the couch, not even bothering to get up. “Robb’s too polite for it.”

“It would be really rude for me to address you so casually when I’ve only met you twice.” Robb muttered shyly.

“I insist.” Jaime rolled his eyes. He really didn’t want to make it a big deal. He was never going to see the boys again anyways. 

“Okay, Jaime.” Robb smiled awkwardly. “Is Jaime short for something?”

“Enough, Robb.” Theon patted on the couch beside him. “Let Jaime get his stuff so he can get the fuck out of here.”

Robb abandoned Jaime almost instantaneously and curled up beside Theon. Jaime smirked at the soft blush crawling up the boys’ cheeks. Disgusting. Jaime looked around the living room confused before looking back at Theon who was smiling wickedly at him. 

“Where are my things?”

“Don’t know. Robb mentioned that they were around here.”

“I don’t remember where.” Robb didn’t look at Jaime, staring straight at the television. His ears were a rose pink though. 

“Are you lying to me?” Jaime took a few daring steps forward.

“I never lie.” Theon smiled brightly. “Right, Robb.”

Robb looked horrified by the idea of backing Theon up on this and Jaime knew for a fact that Theon Greyjoy never told truths, lies came easy to him. Jaime suspected Robb Stark was all about the truth. Which made it even more obvious that he had been tricked.

“Why am I really here?” Jaime growled.

“How should I know?”

Jaime wanted to slap the Greyjoy boy silly. “You texted me.”

“Oh, yeah.” Theon grinned. “I did.”

“And that horrible text said I had left stuff here.”

“Fine, I lied. Happy?” Theon rolled his eyes as he tucked Robb under his arm and Robb wrapped his arm around Theon’s midsection, eyes still glued to anything other than Jaime. 

Jaime looked away from the awful sight as the doorbell rang. Jaime glanced back at Theon who was talking in a low voice to Robb. He looked up and met Jaime’s eyes.

“Well, don’t just stand there. Get the door. Don’t want to be rude, you know.” 

Jaime gaped at the nerve of this kid but should he really be surprised? Three days of torture and he was still surprised by his gull. Jaime is really more appalled that such a sweet boy like Robb seemed to be enthralled by the Greyjoy. But looking at how Theon looked at Stark, he could see that was at least mutual. 

“Fine.”

Jaime opened the door to see _his brother_ standing there with a few bottles of wine tucked under his arm. Tyrion looked just as surprised to see Jaime as Jaime was to see him.

“Jaime?”

“Tyrion?” 

“I didn’t realize you were invited.” Tyrion side stepped Jaime and walked in. “Hello, Robb, Theon.”

“Hi, Tyrion!” Robb smiled and waved enthusiastically. Apparently they were more than familiar now. What had happened in the last couple of days?

“How much wine did you bring?” Theon peered at the bottles the man was carrying.

“Three and before you say anything, it will be enough.” Tyrion put the wine on the counter after having a short amount of difficulty climbing the chair with his arms full.

“What is going on?” Jaime snapped as he slammed the door with emphasis. 

“You weren’t informed?” Tyrion asked as he sat himself down in the arm chair.

“He isn’t invited.” Theon threw out causally, reaching for the remote with one arm still around Robb. 

“Invited to what?” Jaime asked. He wasn’t interested as he was just curious. (Maybe he was a little jealous). 

“Nothing.” Theon said quickly before anyone else could stop him.

“What?” Tyrion frowned. “Then why is Jaime here if he wasn’t invited?”

The doorbell rang again and Theon looked at Jaime expectantly, as well as not answering Tyrion. Jaime, begrudgingly, opened it and his frown deepened. Theon was grinning wider than ever thought possible for the Greyjoy family. 

“Brienne.” Jaime said slowly, calculatingly. “What are you doing here?”

Brienne, instead of answering Jaime, looked over at Theon in surprised. “You invited him after all?”

“Nope.” Theon waved her in with his unoccupied arm. Robb waved just as enthusiastically at Brienne. 

“Oh.” She frowned as she walked into the threshold carrying a _cake_.

“What is going on?” Jaime asked for what felt like the thousandth time.

“A party.” Robb said quickly and looked guilty at Theon. “Sorry, he just looks so upset. What’s the harm? After all, he still isn’t really invited.” Robb whispered the last part to just Theon.

“I’m not upset.” Jaime snapped.

“You’re a little upset.” Robb whispered back as quietly as he could, as if to not upset him further. This really only aggravated Jaime more.

“No, I am-” The doorbell rang again and Theon smiled too brightly for Jaime’s sanity. 

Jaime wrenched the door open, half expecting his sister to be standing there and bellowed. “WHAT?”

The poor, poor pizza boy carrying two boxes nearly dropped them from his jump. “I’m s-sorry?”

Jaime threw a cold glance at Theon. So this was why he had been called there. Theon motherfucking Greyjoy never ceased to surprise him. “Really?”

“You owe me for three days of rent.”

“That’s what? Sixty buck at the most?”

“I expect to be paid back in full.” Theon nodded his head to further express his point.

Jaime turned back to the pizza man. “How much?”

“Thirty dollars.” Theon called from the couch.

“Wait!” Brienne interrupted as Jaime went to reach for his wallet. “What about the…you know.”

“Oh gods.”

“Yeah!” Robb had sat up and let Theon’s arm slid off him. “I want to see it too!”

“See what?” The pizza man looked terrified.

“Nothing.” Jaime smiled. It was small, charming sort of smile. Not intrusive, but eye catching. The man’s throat tightened visible. 

“Its…it’s going to be $27.86.”

“Yeah,” Jaime stretched his back lazily, the front of his shirt coming up a bit. The boy’s eyes looked away embarrassed. He reached into his pocket a grabbed his wallet, opening it but careful not to show it full. “Crap, I only have a ten.”

“Oh.”

“Here, I don’t normally do this, but do you think you can spot me? I’ll make it up to you.” Jaime smiled again, a little brighter this time. The boy looked dazzled. “Give me your number and we can arrange something _special_.”

“Okay.”

Brienne and Robb’s mouths hung open as they watched the exchanged. Theon rubbed Robb’s back. “Told you so.”

“Truly an art.” Tyrion sighed. “Theon tried that, but now we can’t order from Littlefinger’s Bistro anymore.”

“Not my fault the girl wasn’t receptive.”

“She thought you were trying to abductor.”

“I thought you were a master flirter?” Robb’s eyebrows furrowed. 

“Normally, but apparently trying to flirt my way to free food just doesn’t work. Apparently, I don’t have the desperate look Jaime as mastered.” Theon shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal but Robb could tell by his slouched shoulders that he was a little upset by this development.

“Shame.” Tyrion sighed loudly. “You and Stark could have been living like kings.”

Jaime closed the door and everyone looked back up to see him carrying to boxes and a phone number. “What?” He muttered lowly as he set the pizzas on the table.

“Amazing.” Brienne shook her head. “We’ve been together for three years and you’ve never done that.”

“Dump him.” Theon said with ease as he grabbed a slice.

“Might want to rethink that.” Robb smiled as Theon handed him a slice. “He might end up as our roommate.”

“But you don’t have a free bedroom anymore now that Stark’s back. It’s only a two bedroom-.” Tyrion stopped as both Robb and Theon blushed bright red. “I see. My bad.”

“So wait,” Jaime put a stop to the conversation. “You made me come over here to get you free pizza.”

“Yes.” Theon nodded his head.

“As payment for the rent!” Robb added trying to lighten the blow to the ego. 

“And then you were going to send me on my way and celebrate whatever the fuck you are celebrating with _my_ girlfriend and _my_ brother.”

“Pretty much.” Theon took a large bite of his pizza slice with a wink.

“Unbelievable.”

“Lannister can stay, right?” Brienne asked too casually for Jaime’s liking. Like it was a pity invite and Brienne was indifferent on the matter.

“No.” Theon shook his head quickly.

“Theon.” Robb reprimanded.

“No, Robb. I will not have him under our roof any more than he is right now.”

“Come on, that’s mean.”

“You knew I was mean when you met me.”

“You tricked me! I was a six year old kid and you tricked me into thinking you were a nice person and once it was too late you started showing your true colors.”

“Uh huh. What are you going to do? Leave me?”

“No, but you should still be nicer.”

“Fine, Jaime can stay.”

Jaime rolled his eyes. “I’m honored.” He sat beside Brienne and grabbed a piece of pizza much to Theon’s distaste. “What are you even celebrating anyways?”

“Nothing.”

“Greyjoy.” Jaime hissed lowly. 

“It’s the Euro Finale.” Brienne jumped in. 

“Oh, and the cake?”

“Stark wanted cake.”

“The boy has a sweet tooth.” Tyrion laughed.

“Yesterday, he-” Brienne started but stopped suddenly, eyes wide.

Jaime’s hardened and narrowed tightly. “Yesterday, you said you had to work late.”

“Maybe you aren’t as great as you thought you were.” Theon murmured, but for the most part stayed out of the conversation content with whispering to Robb. 

“I…I didn’t think you’d be interested.”

“Well, you were right. Just the honorable Brienne lied. Greyjoy is rubbing off on you. Don’t let that happen. I don’t want to be dating him. I like just Breinne.”

“Shit, that’s cute as fuck.” Theon turned away from Robb to say before going back and saying something in his ear.

“I like you too, Jaime. Well, I like you well enough.”

“I should have brought someone to this event.” Tyrion sighed as moved the cake in front of his and began cutting pieces. “Hey, Theon, Jaime.” Both men looked up. “This is like your Wingman Reception.” Jaime's face darkened at the words while Theon eyes looked ready to pop out of his head. 

Robb looked utterly confused while Brienne was more amused. “Do explain.”

“A story for another night, wench.” Jaime muttered lowly. Theon nodded his head in agreement for the first time that night. Not another word was spoken on the matter.


End file.
